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Joke of the Day

"Anytime someone loses something in the office HR doesn't ask if anyone's seen it, they just send out an email that says ""Give it back Josh"""

"Getting my dad some strong aftershave and a cigarette lighter for Christmas. Can't wait to see his face light up."

"I lift the toilet seat to take a piss and my girlfriend forgot to flush and the water is red. My first thought.... ...do we have any juice boxes in the fridge?"

"Always leave the top down in a convertible, even in the rain Worst case scenario, you get to use the car pool lane."

"What do bees do with their honey? They cell it."

"Don't make fun of a fat girl with a lisp. I'm sure she's thick and tired of it."

"What's a seal's favorite class? Art art art :)"

"Why was the broom late? Because it overswept."

"You know when guys pee, and they shake their pen!s for that last drop? ...........That's how much gas I got for 2 dollars."

"I was going to suggest Twitter to have a live Nativity scene but I think it's going to be impossible. A virgin and 3 wise men? On here?!"