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Joke of the Day
"I would lose weight ... But I hate losing ..."
Next Joke
"[First date] Me: So, I've been married for 12 years - Him: You're married?? Me: Is that a problem?"
"I never run with scissors Those last two words were unnecessary"
"Going through the dealership lot with the salesman, pointing at every car and asking, ""what kinda robot does that one turn into?"""
"what do you call an acid with an attitude? A-mean-oh acid"
"Just finishing up my taxes and am now a little worried about my tax software. It just recommended I slip across the border into Mexico."
"Cute Internet Girl: This guy is pretty funny, I think I'll fol- Me: *Human Cannonballs my way into her living room* HELLO!"
"My friend was trying to annoy me with bird puns Well, toucan play at that game"
"My favorite endangered species is the black NASCAR fan."
"those damn vegans still drinking water?!?! That's a fish's house, you nasty savages!!"