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Joke of the Day

"I never run with scissors Those last two words were unnecessary"

"I didn't have to shower alone today..... Related.......why the hell are there spiders in the winter?"

"You can learn a lot about a person if you install a camera in their bedroom."

"Why was the dyslexic rabbit disappointed when he received the solid gold bar he had ordered via the internet? He thought the ad said '24 carrots'"

"My calling in life went straight to voicemail."

"Have you seen my cat? I saw a poster today, somebody was asking ""Have you seen my cat?"" So I called the number and said that I hadn't . I like to help where I can."

"How many cops does it need to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black."

"What was Abraham Lincoln's seating preference? Not John Wilkes Booth!"

"Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure."

"instead of a fancy wedding cake how about get a cool expert karate guy to roundhouse kick cupcakes into everyone's mouths"