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Joke of the Day

"[Spelling Bee] Judge: Your word is 'babe' Bee: B-A-E J: Sorry. There's another 'B' Bee: WHAT! WHERE? *goes crazy* *stings Judge* *dies*"

"I gave my son some masturbation advice. ""Slow the fuck down, you're going to rip my cock off."" I told him."

"[1st date] ""I'm really into roll playing,"" I tell her with a wink, and make two pieces of complimentary bread pretend to kiss."

"""Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your hair!"" *A long strand of smelly hair falls out the tower* ""Screw this!"""

"People always ask, would you rather be right or happy? I have always found I'm happiest when I'm right!"

"I haven't shaved my beard in a couple days It's starting to grow on me"

"What do you get when you cross a donkey and a piece of onion? A piece of ass that will bring a tear in your eyes."

"What do you call... What do you call four mexicans standing in quicksand? Cuatros Cincos"

"My friend Billy... My friend Billy, Had an eight foot willy, dragged along the kitchen floor. His girl thought it was a snake, and whacked it with a rake and now it's only three foot four."

"How many men does it take to open a beer? None, the beer should be open by the time she has brought it to you."