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Joke of the Day

"[1st date] ""I'm really into roll playing,"" I tell her with a wink, and make two pieces of complimentary bread pretend to kiss."

"My boss caught me sleeping on the job and told me to clean out my desk as if he didn't just see how lazy I am."

"""I'll be a dentist. Then they'll love me."" ""We're terrified of dentists."" ""I'll kill a lion!"" ""It was a beloved lion with a name."" ""Dammit."""

"How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but you need three light bulbs."

"Live debate - where is the ""China"" counter? Someone must be doing this :)"

"Barber: And how old are you little man? Fred: Eight. Barber: And do you want a haircut? Fred: Well I certainly didn't come in for a shave!"

"I met my grandmother in Mexico She looked familia."

"I painted my laptop black so it would run faster... ...but now it doesn't work."

"What does Rick and the Llama have in common? Caaaaarl!!"

"How do you know a chinese thief has broken into your house? All of your rice is gone, your computer is fixed, and the mother fucker is still trying to back out of the driveway."