173288

Joke of the Day

"damn girl are you the expiration date on my milk because I regret not paying attention to you"

"My friends always say that I have narcissistic tendencies. I should get mad... ...but I love when they talk about me."

"I can't call people Grammar Nazis on social media anymore.... Now I call them the Alt-Write."

"""I have an unsolicited opinion on that!"" --Every douche blanket on Twitter."

"Why don't we call it Christlmas? Noel."

"I got robbed by a magician Took my wallet, watch and every silver dollar I had behind my ear."

"[electric chair] ""Any requests for your final minutes?"" ""Yeh, I want the last episode of Lost explained."" *acquitted on a technicality"

"You may think I'm a loser, but to my goldfish I am ""THE GOD OF FLAKES."""

"Whats the difference between Marmalade and Jam? You cant marmalade your cock up a womans arse..."

"What is brown and sticky? A stick."