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Joke of the Day
"""I have an unsolicited opinion on that!"" --Every douche blanket on Twitter."
Next Joke
"End of the Week by Gladys Friday"
"Some coworkers remind me of my ex, because I would jump in front of a bus to get out of a conversation with them too."
"I just pretended to be on my phone in the elevator and then my phone rang. I'm going to close up shop emotionally for the day"
"""i never metadata i didn't like"" -NSA"
"You ever notice when it comes to blow up dolls... They're always so surprised to see us"
"*holds up bread* this is my body *holds up wine* this is my blood *holds up fire* and this is my mixtape"
"What did Spock find in the Enterprise Bathroom? The Captain's Log."
"What is the opposite of an iPad Mini? A Maxi Pad"
"Falling off Bed A lunatic falls off his bed. He quickly gets up. 10 minutes later, he falls again. He thinks to himself ""Good thing I got up 10 minutes ago, or I might have fallen on myself"""