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Joke of the Day

"""I have an unsolicited opinion on that!"" --Every douche blanket on Twitter."

"My ring tone is a woman faintly screaming Help me, Superman. Help me!' and then I run away, unexplained."

"How many dead orphans does it take to change a lightbulb? Obviously more than 10, cause it's still pretty dark in my basement."

"I dated a guy who always kneeled and prayed before sex. I still don't know if he was scared of what I'd do or thankful. Either way, amen."

"My girlfriend's dad accused me of being a pedophile just because she's 18 and I'm 32. It really ruined our 10th anniversary."

"'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo' is the reason I always donate money to Planned Parenthood."

"Jokes Yo mama so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk."

"That ends your training. You're now a GameStop employee. Any questions? ""What do I do if a girl comes in"" Err *boss scrambles thru manual*"

"My thesis just came back with ""Appendix?"" scrawled on it. Seems a little forward but I thought: sure, why not?."

"My dog acts like her entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner."