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Joke of the Day

"[taking atendance] teacher: jimmy jimmy: here teacher: susie susie: here teacher: (sighs) omnipresemt sentinel omnipresent sentinel: always"

"Nobody suspects that you're digging a grave when you're always working on your landscape."

"Me: Do you want a burger or a hot dog? Her: Neither. I'm vegan. Me: Feel free to eat as much grass as you want."

"I hate it when people show up at MY house, knock on MY door, and then ask me why I'm not wearing pants."

"What is a pirates favorite article of clothing? His sc*aaarrrr*f Edit: I get it guys, you all have better punchlines than me."

"""I just heard that that one actress from Legally Blonde, Reese... 'whatever her last name is' got stabbed to death walking to her car last night."" ""Witherspoon?"" ""No, with a knife."""

"Which hand would you use to pick up a dangerous snake ? Someone else's !"

"How do you call a spiritually significant Polish guy? Totem Pole."

"So I introduced my new girlfriend to my family Everyone seemed to like her except for my wife"

"[ Boyfriend walks into the room ] Well, well, well....if it isn't the boy who tried to break up with me in a dream last night."