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Joke of the Day

"Dad: ""Hey son, what has four legs and doesn't breathe?"" Son: ""Haha, you can't fool me again Dad! A chair!"" Dad: ""Not this time, son. Our dog died."""

"I got a nice Rolex from the lesbian couple next door after they asked me what I wanted for my birthday. It's a cool gift and all, but I think they misunderstood me when I told them I wanna watch."

"Two ghosts walk into a bar... They don't say ow."

"[on the phone with wife] Honey, who do you like better, Hulk Hogan or Jafar from Aladdin? ""Tell me why."" [winks at tattoo artist] No reason."

"A doctor in a mental hospital was caught having sex with a female patient. He was Fucking Crazy!"

"""OMG why am I so sore?"" *Flashback to me doing five push-ups yesterday* ""Oh right."""

"Why did cavemen... drag their women by the hair? So they wouldn't fill up with gravel."

"Emoji: because sometimes a chicken, the Spanish flag, and a lesbian couple is the only way to express how you really feel."

"At what age did the world's greatest sushi chef begin his training? Tuna half."

"I ate everything, including the H."