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Joke of the Day

"The key ingredients for a successful diet : Duct tape Rope Rat poison Shovel Bag of lime Alibi What?...wait. Wrong list."

"In middle school, I had a crush on a kid named BJ. When you write Heather loves BJ on your notebooks, you make a lot of friends."

"Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins? She couldn't figure out who the other mother was."

"I once dated an amputee. She single-handedly changed my life"

"The only time a woman succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby"

"A picture's worth 1,000 words, which explains why Twitter only shows 14 percent of the images I post."

"Did you hear Jesus won all the swimming events? He walked it."

"I go in bars in a suit & tie, drink all night & write tweets down in a notebook. They're not quite sure if I'm the district manager or not."

"Why I don't let my girlfriend play my PS4. 1. I don't have a PS4. 2. I don't have a girlfriend."

"Def Leppard are a bunch of liars. I poured some sugar on a girl one time and it was a complete mess, she was not happy at all."