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Joke of the Day

"What comes in little cans? Red Bull and Priests."

"what do you call... what do you call a bad noodle? AM IMPASTA!"

"Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap He was high on my list of priorities"

"Apparently it's 'inappropriate' to show up at your therapist's home to swim in her new pool even though your 'boundary issues' paid for it."

"The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man's ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob."

"What was Beethoven's favorite food? BA-NA-NA-NAAA!!!!! (to the tune of Beethoven's 5th symphony)"

"""It's 5 o'clock somewhere."" - a shitty watch."

"I am not sure, but I think I just heard my cup of coffee say, ""You are my bitch"""

"When a dog sniffs a fire hydrant They are just checking their pee-mail."

"Sometimes I like to surprise my neighbours by smiling and waving back at them."