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Joke of the Day

"CHIPOTLE MANAGER: we can't figure out why these e.coli outbreaks keep happening ME: [bathing in a tub of salsa in the back] ya very weird"

"I went skiing yesterday. I didn't really enjoy it. I got to the top of the chairlift, but it was all downhill from there."

"What do you call an evil wizard who gives good hickeys? A neck romancer."

"What does a corpse and snow have in common? They are both cold and are hilarious to throw at unsuspecting children."

"I used to have a friend named Frank... Until one day I asked him: ""Can I be Frank with you?"" Now I no longer have a friend named Frank."

"What do you call a lesbian with long finger nails? *Single*."

"What is the most pirated movie ever? Arrrrrrrgo"

"Why do they call it Almond Milk? Because if they called it Nut Juice nobody would buy it."

"*Adobe update puts on fake moustache and glasses* Hi, my name is iOS 7, would you like to download updates?"

"I stole some vegetables today I was out doing the grocery shopping earlier when I realised I really needed a piss. So I took a leek."