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Joke of the Day

"Sorry, cancer kids. Our prayers are going elsewhere. RT @KimKardashian: So scared I'm not gonna make my flight to Australia! Pray I make it!"

"Don't let him know you're a hologram. Don't let him know you're a hologram. Interviewer: You've got the job! *extends hand* Me: Dammit"

"What is mitosis? Those are the things on the ends of my feetsis. Thought of this during my last bio exam."

"Yo mommas so ugly... Scorpion says ""STAY OVER THERE"""

"Islam... ... is a religion of peace."

"My friend is looking for a single, normal, well adjusted man. I told her to avoid twitter."

"What do philosophical dolphins say? What's the porpoise?"

"What do you call an ex-Muslim? A Waslim"

"What do a Marionette User and Tampon Thief have in common? They both pull strings for work. (Inspired by Bo Burnham, this popped into my head the other day)"

"What do you get when you cross the CIA with information about it? ****"