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Joke of the Day

"What do a Marionette User and Tampon Thief have in common? They both pull strings for work. (Inspired by Bo Burnham, this popped into my head the other day)"

"SHENG WANG: FUN AT THE PARK Ordinarily, staring is creepy. But if you spread your attention across many individuals, then it's just people watching."

"MY NECK. MY BACK. MY PJ'S AND MY SNACK."

"Who's the idiot who named the song 'The Sound of Silence' and not"

"Text is the perfect way of saying I have some information I need to give you but I in no way shape or form want to hear your voice"

"What do you call a nun in a wheelchair with a cell phone? Virgin Mobile."

"Someone hit someone with a knife between his fingers. I guess you could say he...Spiked his punch. ( )"

"[harsh] I'm very open-minded, if I have a daughter she can be whatever she wants when she turns 18: stripper, whore, you name it ...because by then she's gotten too old for my tastes anyway."

"Squiggly line squiggly line space Squiggly line squiggly line space Squiggly line squiggly line space ~me reading Arabic DM"

"I bought some rose-scented shampoo the other day.. ..it smells better than real poo."