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Joke of the Day

"My friend asked me if i want some Sodium Bromate. But I said : ""NaBrO"""

"I drive everywhere but for some reason my shoes still wear out, it's like there's just no reward for laziness."

"My new juice cleanse is called Vodka with a side of Tonic"

"[with my pet bird at the park] Hot girl: omg ur duck is so cute Me: *covering mr quackers ears* he's a mallard u idiot get away from me"

"Dude, I can't tweet AND know when the light turns green. I'm pretty, not magical."

"I said to my neighbour Jamal... I said to my neighbour Jamal, ""You're like marmite, you know Jamal."" He replied, ""What? You love me or hate me?"" I replied, ""No, you're black and you fucking smell."""

"How come about the ""About the Author"" never includes anything negative? ""He was born in Indiana where he's widely regarded as a scumbag."""

"good morning class *farts* today we'll *farts* be learning *farts* abou *farts* oh god *farts* call an ambula *farts* it hurts so much *fa"

"You know you're drunk when... ...you get home, put food in the microwave, and then enter your pin number."

"My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are But I laugh more."