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Joke of the Day

"I said to my neighbour Jamal... I said to my neighbour Jamal, ""You're like marmite, you know Jamal."" He replied, ""What? You love me or hate me?"" I replied, ""No, you're black and you fucking smell."""

"I might care more about Twilight if Count Chocula was in it."

"What do get when you mix two breads? A hy-bread"

"Oh, you're having a bad day? In 1976, Ronald Wayne sold his 10% stake in Apple for $800. Now it's worth $58,065,210,000."

"I was nervous about meeting new people on a cruise... ... until I realised, we are all in the same boat."

"Q: What can save a dying blonde? A: Hair transplants."

"In Jamaica, how do you know if a mango is ripe? Pokemon Go!"

"Did you hear that the coprophiliac Scotsman is engaged to be married? They're so cute together; apparently, it was love at first shite."

"What's the difference between a light bulb and my pregnant girlfriend? I can unscrew a lightbulb."

"I hate when I'm in a restaurant bathroom, and I run out of toilet paper. Like my dinner guests are gonna be scared of HALF a mummy costume"