172013

Joke of the Day

"I want to apologize for the awful true things I said when I was angry."

"Q: What's brown, red, black and blue? A: A Brunette who's been tellin one too many blonde jokes."

"It's so cold outside that the hookers downtown are charging 20 to blow your hands"

"I bought my friend an elephant for their room They said ""Thank you"" I said ""Don't mention it"""

"Wife and I taking a shower Wife: I want you to do bad things to me. Me: <pours shampoo in her eyes>"

"Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff... Ba Dum Tss!"

"Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat? If they went forward they would fall into the boat."

"I have never seen the movie Titanic and I never plan to because a friend spoiled the ending for me The boat sinks. Credit to u/Donkey__Xote for this beautiful comment in an r/AskReddit thread"

"The words 'selfie' and 'twerk' have been added to the dictionary this year while 'charm' and 'dignity' have been removed."

"I don't Bolivia Peru-v it."