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Joke of the Day

"Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff... Ba Dum Tss!"

"I'm only human. And like all humans, I'm a fucking asshole."

"'sir, no food allowed in the dressing rooms.' what, am i supposed to just guess the pop tart capacity of these cargo shorts before I buy?"

"Your smile must be a black hole, nothing can escape its pull."

"Haven't been able to tweet much recently. Need to cut back on real life."

"What's the difference between a vegetable and a berry? i can't vegetable my dick so far in your ass whoever could pull it out would be crowned king arthur"

"Just to throw my other white friends off, I'll say shit like, ""Don't be sayin' that kinda shit in front of my black ass!"""

"The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa."

"Why is F-time so much fun? Because F-time is Part-E time."

"Remember to turn your clocks back today if you want them to be set to the wrong time."