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Joke of the Day

"Waiter there's a fly in my soup! Surely not sir. It must be one of those vitamin bees you hear so much about."

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"Pupil: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do? Teacher: Of course not Pupil: Good, because I didn't do my homework"
"Breakfast musings... A boiled egg is hard to beat."
"Alcohol and calculus don't mix... ...never drink and derive."
"The NSA can see our emails but can they see why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?"
"When I was single my old Aunt used to come up to me at family weddings And poke me in the ribs and say, ""you're next."" she stopped after I did the same to her at a funeral."
"I'm not a jealous person but seriously, if you star her tweets one more time I'm going to squeeze the balls of this vodoo doll so hard..."
"People who are afraid of pedophiles Need to grow up"
"Good thing some people show their bare chest in their profile pic, otherwise we wouldn't have known they had a torso."
"Knock Knock Who's there ! Ahmed ! Ahmed who ? Ahmed a big mistake coming here !"