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Joke of the Day

"On the street a person has a heart attack. Someone shouts: - Is there a doctor? Vegan: - I am a vegan."

"Me: *delivers fantastic presentation* Fish Boss: great work! Me: thanks for letting MINNOW what you think! Fish Boss: you're fired."

"Why did the Latino girl come to class pregnant? Her teacher told her to do an essay."

"Why didn't the oyster have any friends? He was shellfish. Woo! Been thinking for days trying to come up with some OC to blast your brains with."

"My chiropractor is open on Martin Luther King Day, which makes me wonder... does he value back history over black history?"

"My wife said she wanted to see ""Fifty Shades Of Grey"". So I showed her a picture of her hair."

"They say when you shave it grows back thicker. Can't wait to see my new cock."

"My dream is to be a security guard on Maury. I'd whisper ""you look like a Volkswagen Beetle with eyes."" When the women were crying backstage"

"""Release the Kraken!"" ... ""Well?"" ""We released him. He just took off. It's not like he was trained or anything."" ... ""Release the tuna!"""

"What's the difference between my grandma and a baby? My grandma doesn't die when I fuck her."