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Joke of the Day

"Adulthood is like the vet, and we're all the dogs that were excited for the car ride until we realized where we're going."

"What is the point of owning a fish? They are just furniture with the ability to die."

"What do you call people that you hate? Clouds, because once they are gone it's a beautiful day."

"My mom when I was a kid: ""Never talk to strangers."" ""Never get in their cars."" Me to my future kids: ""Here's how to order an Uber."""

"You call comcast and end up speaking to apu in India, how do your problems get fixed? When they transfer you to steve."

"Just started my Vegan diet. They're a bit chewy, but better than kale."

"""You know how when birds fly in a V formation one side is always longer?"" ""Yeah. Why is that?"" ""There are more birds on that side."""

"Do you know what Minnesota doesn't have? Super Bowl Babies."

"when i found out i won the World's Saddest Man award i became slightly happy and was immediately stripped of my title"

"Why don't blind people go skydiving? It scares the shit out of the dogs."