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Joke of the Day

"Whenever somebody hits me, I yell, ""Somebody grab the pepper..."" ""...I was just as**sa**u**lt**ed!"""

"I like to write all my death threat letters in Comic Sans. I find it lightens the mood."

"Why do you need to be 35 to be elected president? So women don't get elected."

"[knocks on neighbor's door] HI CAN I COME TO YOUR YELLING PARTY"

"Oh man, this whole time we've been trying to stop SEAWATER from gushing into our OIL. Stupid Terry was holding the diagram upside down."

"I had a piece of Carefree sugarless gum ..and I was still worried! It never kicked in!"

"Accordion to a recent study, switching the words of a sentence with a musical instrument often goes unnoticed. It's science."

"What did Republican Jesus say to the masses? We can't feed all these people! That would only create dependence."

"What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator!"

"I hate making spelling mistakes. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined."