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Joke of the Day

"What did the two story house say to its friend after it had just finished working out, and it's friend invited I to a party? I'm two tiered. I came up with this at 1am, enjoy."

"Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit."

"Why did the Redditors like when a tornado hit a fence? There was a lot of reposting to do"

"What's an Alzheimer patient's favorite horror movie? The Blair...Which project? [Made my roomie laugh at least]"

"My wife is leaving me I was having sex with her twin when she came in. I tried telling her I was doing it because thought it was her. She didn't buy it. It didn't help that his dick was in my ass."

"I lost my watch at a party once... I saw this guy stepping on it while sexually assaulting a girl. I walked up to him and punched him right in the nose. No one does that to a girl. Not on my watch."

"Every time I'm around my mother in law, I wonder who is running hell in her absence."

"What's 6 inches long hard, bent, and in my pants? My iPhone 6"

"Why was no at the Premature Ejaculaters' support group when I arrived? I came early."

"They're upping my charges from prank bomb to non-Arab terrorism."