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Joke of the Day

"Knock Knock Who's there? Hatch. Hatch who? Bless you."

"Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: She saw ""911"" on the back and thought it was a Porsche."

"ME: my greatest strength is giving people clever nicknames. QUESTION ASKER MAN: and how is this a skill that will help you here?"

"I'm probably not going to get accepted into the optimist club."

"My grandfather is buried in that cemetery... Boy is he going to be pissed when he wakes up."

"Robert De Niro was worried he was having symptoms of Schizophrenia. He went to his doctor and said... ""I heard things."""

"Why did the parrot wear a raincoat ? Because she wanted to be a Polly unsaturated !"

"How many more spills do you think parents in paper towel commercials can take before they just push one of those kids down the stairs?"

"Facebook is in a relationship with the stock market and it's complicated."

"Me: Shhh, your brother is still sleeping. 4yo: *runs upstairs CRASH JUMP ""Wake up!"" SLAM *runs back downstairs ""No, he's not."""