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Joke of the Day

"Wife: We're going to Jessie's BBQ today. Me: She's the one with the big--- Wife: They're fake! Me: So? -liveTweeting from the DogHouse"

"GOD: it's time I punished the humans again JESUS: cool. flood or plague? GOD:[watching The Apprentice] oh I've something way worse in mind.."

"I bought a little boy kitten yesterday, I named him F14. However he's really straggly... ...So unfortunately today I've had to spend all day today Grumman my Tomcat. Thank you, thank you."

"Knock knock...... Who's there? One Two. One Two Who? THAT'S ONE TO MANY QUESTIONS OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR"

"What is a pirates favorite letter? P. Because without it, he'd be irate."

"What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt? The pussy is the cute fuzzy thing and the cunt is what it's attached to."

"Yo momma so fat When she wants to feel sexy, she puts on a marathong."

"The letter n always has to be the centre of attention."

"What did the little Mexican boy get for christmas? My bike."

"My cat just started kneading my back in bed and I said ""not now"" so wish us luck we're officially married."