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Joke of the Day

"I accidentally answered my phone & panicked when I heard someone say ""hello?"" so I just did the best I could & made the fax machine noise."

"I'd make a horrible movie murder victim.When I hear strange noises in the night I roll over and figure, eh, they'll work themselves out."

"Bruce Willis is at IKEA when a toilet plunger falls off a shelf and sticks to his head. he doesn't notice until the following day"

"There is nothing funny about PMS **.**"

"""You know what pal, lay your own damn eggs"" - jerk chicken"

"What's a good punch line to a Nazi themed anti-joke? Can you **not see** where I am going with this?"

"I swear to drunk I'm not God, but seriously, stay in drugs, eat school, and don't do vegetables."

"A foolproof way to get a woman's phone number is to hit her car."

"I wanted to make a joke about quantum superpositions But I couldn't decide on one."

"[at stadium with child] Me: That is batball. [at the races] Me: That is horse circles. [at the opera] Me: This is horned yodeling."