171359

Joke of the Day

"I bet aliens would visit us more if Will Smith didn't punch them in the head as soon as they got here."

"Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way to the bottom, while getting a raise."

"Did you see the video of the guy making out with the lady with the Zika Virus? Yeah, apparently it went viral. I know this is awful, but my coworkers laughed... so I got that going for me."

"Jack LaLanne died two years ago and he's still in better shape than I am."

"What's a black person of the United States called? A frickin' American. What'd you expect, something racist?"

"How can you tell when an Iranian boy has matured? They take the diaper off his ass and put it on his head."

"What do you say to a burn victim if you pour acid on them? Woops, tee hee."

"Looking for someone to shovel my snow while dressed as a stormtrooper. No weirdos."

"How do you think the unthinkable? With an Ithberg"

"This morning, my son farted in church I made him sit in his own pew."