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Joke of the Day

"We had a safety meeting at work today. They asked me ""what steps would you take in event of a fire? ""Fucking big ones"" was apparently not the right answer."

"I got a dig bick. You this read wrong. You read that wrong too."

"A man goes to his doctor and says; Doc I think I'm addicted to twitter. Doc: Sorry, I don't follow you"

"What's the difference between juice and cider? I can't go deep in juice."

"If Arnold Schwarzenegger was a composer which would he be? He'd be Bach"

"Hi I am an NSA employee Tell me anything."

"Time is what keeps things from happening all at once. "

"I'm white, but... Nope. Can't do one of those today. Look, I'm at a B&B on Cape Cod right now. I'm a fanny pack away from translucent."

"I really want to make a period joke. But it's just not that time of the month for me"

"Just had a water fight over the park with a bunch of local kids... I won!! No one's a match for me and my kettle."