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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a beautiful dress and a bottle of Whisky? A beautiful dress can make one girl look gorgeous... A bottle of whiskey can make all girls look gorgeous."

"So my buddy thought it'd be a good idea to get an inspirational tattoo on his forehead... Boy, was his face read."

"Scratches and dents on the doors of your car are the side effects of bad driving."

"Kids eat free today? Nice... In that case, I'll have a water and my son will have the steak and shrimp combo with a kids bud light."

"Sometimes I like to pretend I am a cat ...and ignore my wife until it is dinner time"

"What did the dog say after it slid across some sandpaper? Ruff."

"Whilst reading through an ancient book at the British Library, I found a magic spell' that would supposedly make women want to have sex with me. Worked like a fucking charm."

"What do you call an invisible, cross-dressing dad? A transparent"

"If you finger a bum... you're a hobosexual"

"We should hang out and stare at our phones."