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Joke of the Day

"I could survive 3 months in the wilderness with a pocket knife and the contents of a woman's purse."

"I want this Twitter account to outlive me by 100 years. I want my grandchildren to read my Tweets and say, ""Holy fuck. She was so weird."""

"What's pink with seven dents? Snow white's hymen"

"Don't try ""to"" tell me how to use quotation marks."

"How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it"

"A client comes to a bank: My cheque was returned with a remark: ""Insufficient funds"". I'd like to know whether it refers to mine or the Bank?"

"Why can't you be friends with a tampon? Because they are stuck up cunts."

"They are writing a biography about my dick Ok. Ok. A pamphlet."

"THEM: Hey, I haven't seen you for a while. ME: As planned."

"Casey Anthony is still unemployed...? She should have a pretty good resume though. She had a job as a mother once and killed it!"