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Joke of the Day

"Its probably time to clean the microwave when you heat coffee and it comes out smelling like a burrito."

"Why was the monster standing on his head at the birthday party? He heard they were having upside-down cake!"

"I remember lying in bed as a kid, waiting for Santa to come... Then there was awkward silence as he got dressed and left."

"How many kidnapped children does it take to change a lightbulb? I thought 12, but the basements still dark."

"It's a Boy! James shouted, It's a Boy!!! i still can't believe it! ..with tears rolling down ,James came running out .....swearing never ever to come back to Bangkok again! xD"

"My wife asked me to teach her to use the snowblower.. I said, ""How about we start with the vacuum""."

"Why didn't the Smurfs fit in the house? There wasn't [mushroom](http://i.imgur.com/Yt9AWCO.jpg)"

"The glittery vampire from Twilight is putting out an album. In other news, real musicians continue to play for coins in the subway."

"What's the difference between a Circumcision and a Crucifiction? With crucifictions, they throw the whole jew away."

"This has to be the worst date I have ever had. That includes the time that I accidentally answered my uncle's personal ad...."