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Joke of the Day

"What did Helen Keller say when she picked up a cheese grater? That was the most violent book I've ever read.........."

"At first I wasn't sure about my beard But it's growing on me"

"Yo momma so fat, that when god said ""let there be light"" she had to move over. In light of the recent yo momma jokes on this sub."

"Shit happens You know what they say: shit happens. That's why every time something bad happens, I pray for constipation."

"My roommate recently had me added to her insurance. Not what I was thinking of when we spoke about friends with benefits."

"[spider's junk email folder] -TURN YOUR WEBS INTO $$$$ -HOT SPIDERS ON YOUR CEILING WANT TO MEET YOU -TRY THE ULTIMATE 8 LEG DIET TODAY"

"I like the phrase bury the hatchet because it implies someone was trying to resolve an argument with a fucking hatchet"

"White people are only thinking about one of 5 things at any given moment: 1. skiing 2. sadness 3. edamame 4. revenge 5. Greek yogurt."

"A man walks into a sperm bank, The lady at the desk says, ""Get a load of this guy."""

"I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed."