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Joke of the Day
"I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed."
Next Joke
"I called a dentist.. I: I would like an appointment. Dentist: Sure, what time would you like to come. I: Two thirty."
"What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? Invite an accountant."
"That awkward moment when u lock binoculars with your neighbor."
"[at therapist] I don't know, sometimes I just feel invisible Therapist: WHO SAID THAT?!?"
"When my daughter gets older, she will have a camera phone OR a mirror. Not both. Thanks for the advice Twitter."
"I like my women with curves. Lots and lots of curves. In a sort of spiral shape, maybe with ketchup. Curly fries. I like curly fries"
"[Club] Me: *has debilitating crush on a nerd* Nerd: What you feel is a burst of norepinephrine increasing arousal and focus- Me: *swoons*"
"What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? *gag*"
"What do you call... a dog with no back legs and steel testicles....... Sparky."