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Joke of the Day

"I asked my wife.. ""what would you do if I won the lottery?"" She replied, "" I would take half and leave you."" I said, ""good I won $12. Here's $6, now fuck off."""

"Can you taste the difference betwen creme brulee and a yeast infection? If you can't, then never piss off the hostess in your favorite French restaurant ..."

"Teacher: Did your parents help you with these homework problems? Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself!"

"I'm not stalking you but I have managed to trace your family tree back to 1724"

"Last night, Daredevil beat me up and took my money. I was robbed blind."

"What's the best part about having a deaf child? You can have sex as loudly as you want."

"What's the hardest part about being a pedophile? Fitting in"

"What do you call an unambiguous body of water? The Specific Ocean"

"What's it called when a planet orbits its sun 8 times? An orbyte"

"I should rename myself Summer. All girls want is Summer to come."