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Joke of the Day

"Wife: ""I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"" Husband: ""You have perfect eyesight."""

"[God, creating pigeons] Make them pace back and forth like a lawyer."

"Why is 17 called the ""mother-in-law"" in black jack? Because you wanna hit it, but sometimes you cant."

"Why are wedding dresses white? So the dishwasher matches the stove."

"Hey, Edgar Allen, go ahead and Poe me up another drink! Don't tell me to be quiet, lady! Why are there so many books in this bar?"

"Toilet stolen from police station Cops have nothing to go on."

"What's the difference between a Jew and Harry Potter? One of them left the chamber alive."

"Why do rabbits make good mathematicians? Because they're constantly multiplying!"

"What's the secret ingredient in Bush's Baked Beams? Jetfuel."

"Whale dad joke 'Dad, where did I come from?' 'From my penis' 'Oh...thanks.' 'You're whalecum.'"