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Joke of the Day

"Jeff, a semicolon, and an Oxford Comma walk into a bar. They both had a great time."

"The best revenge is to show them that your life is getting better after they're gone"

"What did the Titanic say to the iceberg? ""Okay, but just the tip."""

"What's the difference between ISIS and a prostitute? Not much, give or take a few heads."

"Ways to get ants out of your house: 1) Ant traps 2) Say you had a good time but it's late & you have work tomorrow 3) Set house on fire"

"Divorce lawyers all over the world are rubbing their hands together in glee now that Twitter DM has a picture function."

"Alcohol is an excellent solvent. It dissolves marriages, friendships and organs."

"What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you racist fuck."

"I asked my trainer ""Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?"" He pointed outside and said ""The ATM machine"""

"Have the uneasy feeling there are Baldwin brothers out there I don't know about yet."