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Joke of the Day

"[Programmer Joke] Why did the int drown? Because he couldn't float! (Insert laughter here)"

"What is the date in Germany/Brasil in about a month from now? Germany/Brasil 7-1"

"If I get nervous for a date, I just imagine the guy in his underpants, sitting on my couch for the next 40 years, & suddenly I'm annoyed"

"If there's more than one apocalypse, is it apocalypses or apocali? I just want to be ready."

"You've wasted your time explaining sex to me I still don't get it."

"I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West... ...could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone..."

"Tom Cruise starts a cooking show... ""Whisky Business."" Like a whisk.. not whisky.. you know like, the metal cooking utensil? This is funny...Right? Right?"

"What to do when the black guy in front of you gets shot? Stop laughing and reload."

"Had sex with a socialist girl a little while back. Think I'm gonna need to see a doctor. whenever I pee, I start to feel the Bern."

"What do challah and martial arts have in common? Judo"