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Joke of the Day
"Mall walkers: never has anyone taken so seriously something that's so seriously ridiculous."
Next Joke
"What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest? Acne doesn't come on your face until you're 13"
"NEW DRINKING GAME: 1) Put on the new Twilight movie 2) When you press play, take 59 shots of vodka so you can die before it starts."
"This sushi restaurant has the worst service. ""Ma'am this is an aquarium"""
"I don't do Botox anymore cause when I can't make my angry face, people just assume it's ok to talk to me."
"A good date ends with dinner. An excellent date ends with breakfast."
"The rest of the Justice League always makes Aquaman eat at Long John Silvers so they can watch him cry."
"Mention me in your will. Just give me a shout out or something."
"What do you do with dead atoms? Barium"
"I just caught an alien maturbating in my freezer. He looked up at me and said, ""I cum in peas"""