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Joke of the Day

"I asked my wife if she wanted me to do anything from Fifty Shades of Gray. She said yes - be handsome and make a billion dollars."

"Kinda scared for 2015 .. Kinda scared for 2015 because 2+0+1+5 is 8. The exact number of nipples Hitler would have if he had 6 more nipples."

"[god designing humans] Angel: there was a mix-up at the factory. The intestines are way too long God: *stuffing em all in there* I got this"

"Why do priests have you call them Father.. Because 'Daddy' was too obvious"

"The three most read words in the world: I? ?L?o?v?e? ?Y?o?u? ...NO! It's: ""Made in China."""

"what do you call a lady with one leg Ilene sorry if I killed you because of how old this is"

"How did Jared lose all that weight eating at Subway? He just ordered off the children's menu."

"[sees woman reading] ""Gone With The Wind? Great book! I love how the *clenches fist* tornado takes Dorothy & Toto to the Land Of Oz."""

"Stevie Wonder got divorced several weeks back. Wonder if he's seeing anyone yet?"

"TIL that Caligynephobia is the fear of beautiful women. So if a guy doesn't talk to you then he probably has Caligynephobia. It's the only explanation..."