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Joke of the Day

"An infinite number of mathematicians walks into a bar... The first order 1 beer, the second 2 beers, the third 3, and so on... The bartender doesn't pour anything and say ""Yall own me 1/12 of a beer"""

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"Notice: Due to overwhelming political pressure, Cracker Barrel will now be known as Caucasian Barrel."
"Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."
"Favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell's Kitchen 3. Breaking bad"
"Life is like a box of chocolates... Most of it sucks."
"How many SJW's does it take to change a 90w lightbulb? Did you just assume my wattage??? FLICKERED"
"What do people call Miley Cyrus in Europe? Kilometery Cyrus"
"A man walks into a police station ""My car has been stolen"" he says laughingly. ""Your car has been stolen, but why are you laughing then?"" The officer says. ""Because my wife was still in it!"""
" I am under the influence. I am above the influence. I AM THE INFLUENCE."""
"Mexican Word of the day: Chicken My wife wanted to get to the grocery store, but chicken go herself"