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Joke of the Day

"Watching a film about Princess Diana.. And Diana says ""if we are lucky we will grow old"" and my sister turns around and says bluntly and without a hint of a smile, ""you won't"""

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"What do singers get during their periods? Minstrel cramps."
"My ex got me arrested cause I used to sit outside her house all day. She thought I was stalking her but i wasn't, i just had her WiFi code."
"If women can do anything men can do... how come they haven't oppressed an entire gender?"
"I got a $100 bill tattooed on my penis.... My girlfriend asked why I did it, and I told her 'well you're always asking for money to blow...'"
"What does an alcoholic ghost drink? BOO'S."
"I saw some girl texting and driving the other day and it really pissed me off... ...so i rolled down my window and threw my beer at her."
"Heard this the other day. Made me piss myself even though im not American There's nothing worse than a 6.9 A 69 interrupted by a period."
"If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time... are they guilty of resisting a rest?"
"My wife wanted me to see the world from a woman's perspective... So I stood next to the kitchen window."