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Joke of the Day
"No autocorrect, I do not want to organism all over his face."
Next Joke
"I took biscuits with me on a date once. She called me a weirdo and said that biscuits was a stupid name for a cat."
"Q: What's small red and goes up and down? A: A tomato in an elevator."
"People you mute should stay in your TL but with a piece of tape over their avatar mouth and their tweets all like ""Mmmp mm mmmph rf mph."""
"There's a knock at my door. Jehovah's Witness. I decided to let him in. I go, ""Now what?"" He says, ""I dunno...I never got this far."""
"Why do porn directors prefer real Christmas trees? Because they don't need fluffing."
"I'd like to be an optimist, but I doubt if it would work out."
"A blind guy once told me, ""Kid you're going to go places."" I told him, ""Dude. I'm over here."""
"((speaking too close to the microphone at press conference)I have never watched a single episode of the Teletubbies. They look like fools"
"Do not hit a woman... Do not hit a woman. Cause after all the shit, you need someone to make you a sandwich."