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Joke of the Day

"I ask that my remains me kept in an urn... ...and whoever keeps the urn squirts some lotion in there periodically because you guys know I can't stand being ashy."

Next Joke
 
"So I was coloring my few, grey hairs with a sharpie and Hubby walked in. He told me, I'm the reason for warning labels on small appliances."
"I haven't had anything to eat all year. It's 12:01 January 1st where I am"
"My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more."
"banned from the horse lovers facebook page again for unloading a litany of ableist slurs on photo of a shetland pony"
"0 Two muffins baking in the oven. One says ""Bloody hell! It's hot in here."" The other spins around..... ""AAAHHHHHH!!! A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!! GET ME OUT!!!!"""
"When does the narwhal bacon? Ellen Pao needs to resign immediately."
"My favourite 6,835"
"Had to be a woman that coined the phrase ""severance package."" No guy is putting those two words so close to each other."
"Isn't it so weird when you're thinking about someone and then they suddenly appear? Anyway, my dad just caught me masturbating."