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Joke of the Day

"Rattlesnakes and Condoms ...two things I don't fuck with."

"I used to have a Viagra addiction. It was the hardest part of my life."

"kid theres no such thing as bad publicity. like you would think if a big article came out saying you suck shit it would be bad, but its good"

"I like my cars how I like my women Asian and dirty."

"What's the difference between a lima bean and a chickpea? I've never had a lima bean on my face."

"If God didn't want me to scratch my ass he wouldn't have made it taste so good."

"Do you have FB? No Do you have Twitter? No Instagram? No What do you have? A life. ... ... Can I have it? No. I need it to play Candy Crush."

"I ordered a book called ""How to relieve stress"" My goodness, for the life of me I really hope that it arrives on time. And that it's useful. And that the delivery man doesn't dislike me."

"So a suicide bombing instructor walks into his classroom... ...and says, ""Okay, I'm only going to show you guys this once..."""

"""Ninja please"" -Japanese people"