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Joke of the Day

"Why shouldn't you carry two half dollars in your pocket? Because two halves make a whole (hole) and you could lose your money."

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"[movie theater] Her: *Hands me popcorn bag* Can you put this down? Me: *grabs bag* You stupid, overpriced, salty piece of shit!"
"If I were to invade Djibouti... Do you think Greece would help? [read out loud]"
"[Programming] Stupid Bugs... 99 bugs in the code, 99 bugs in the code. Take one down, pass it around, 127 bugs in the code. Credit: Benetha619, who donated $5.00 during SethBling's stream today."
"Classical pun Why have they not found Mozart's body yet? Because he is Haydn."
"Whats 12 inches long and drives women crazy? [NSFW] A still born..."
"What happens when you scare an old lady? Depends."
"If I had a sex change, I would change mine to more"
"I tried smuggling child porn across the border once.... and i would've gotten away with it if it weren't for those fucking kids!"
"Did you know that most statistics are made up? Around 93,7%"