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Joke of the Day

"The other day, I was going down on my girlfriend, I said to her, ""Jeez you got a big pussy. Jeez you got a big pussy."" She said, ""Why did you say that twice?"" I said, ""I didn't."""

"[walks into Halloween party with a hot dog taped to my head] ""What are you supposed to be?"" ME: I'm not wearing a costume"

"What's the difference between a liberal arts major and a pizza? The pizza can feed a family."

"Whoever named it a ""mobile"" phone obviously didn't anticipate me spending the day on the couch covered in crumbs reading Twitter."

"My friend works in a recycling facility... And they showed me around to the can recycling area, and I wasn't to happy about it. It was soda pressing."

"May be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I'm considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning"

"Does the FBI really investigate aliens like on the X-Files? No, that's what the INS does."

"How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for the fresh prints!"

"A Christian telling an atheist he is going to Hell is about as scary as a small child telling an adult they wont get any presents from Santa"

"What do you get when you cross a Judge and a Potato? A Dicktater"