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Joke of the Day

"I couldn't understand why the battery in my cell phone was always flat. Then it occurred to me; it wouldn't fit if it was any other shape."

"If you bring back your paper bags at Whole Foods, they'll give a refund of 5 cents. After a year you'll have enough money to buy an orange."

"What did one train track say to the opposite track? Wanna race?"

"If Dwane Johnson were to actually run for President... He could only lose to paper."

"How do you make a fat chick orgasm? Who cares....."

"Why did Hitler kill the Jews? Because they're greedy dirty Jews"

"Wanna dance? I can really put your inertia in motion."

"There was the Florida State defensive tackle who thought Hertz Van Rentals was a famous Dutch painter."

"I love a girl with a trimmed bush.... Only because its makes it easier to see her through the window at night."

"It's uncool to be religious. It's uncool to be atheist. If someone asks what you believe in just say Beyonce. It's the only way to be safe."