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Joke of the Day

"It's uncool to be religious. It's uncool to be atheist. If someone asks what you believe in just say Beyonce. It's the only way to be safe."

"For her birthday, my wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 in 5 seconds. So I got her a weighing machine..."

"Just slung my bra off & threw it to the other side of the couch where there are already 2 other bras. If my math is right, it's Wednesday."

"I'd kick you in the vagina..... ...but I am afraid I would lose my shoe."

"red ring xbox My First Weekly Meme, Bad Luck Brian and his xbox :D"

"How do you get a parrot to talk properly ? Send him to polytechnic !"

"What do you call a patella that sleeps around too much? Whore knee"

"Where can you find baby dwarfs? At a dwarfanage"

"What do you call an emo a capella group? Self Harmony Edit: #10 on /r/all! And thanks for the gold kind stranger!"

"This morning I had a 10 o'clock meeting and got there at 9:11. Too soon."