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Joke of the Day

"[6:00pm] i will not snack tonight i will not snack tonight i will not snack tonight [11:00pm] yay i did it! [11:01pm] *preheats oven*"

"How do you get an fat chick into bed? Piece of cake. Stolen from /u/No1ReallyCares' comment"

"If Dracula saw Twilight, he'd stake himself."

"I only believe 12.5% of what the Bible says. Which makes me an eighth theist."

"What did the dog say when he sat on sand paper? Ruff"

"What do you call a gay fly? a maggot"

"I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. I had to break up with her. She was seeing somebody on the side."

"What did the cool dinosaur say to his mating partner? Dino-mate!"

"""How do we hide Superman's identity?"" They asked. A man kicked in the door & yelled ""With glasses!"" & everyone started clapping for him."

"Why do people choose to become bakers? Because they knead the dough."