169139

Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a Redditor, Marilyn Monroe, Melania Trump, and Lee Harvey Oswald? One's a jerk who jacks off, one jerked off Jack, one jacks off a jerk, and one's a jerk who offed Jack ."

"When I shake hands with a fat guy I don't like, I do it extra hard to get a good moob bounce going"

"Well tonight's date night for me and the wife I certainly hope we don't run into each other"

"oh these 2 bleeding dots on my neck? uhhh no i'm not a vampire, some crazy dude stabbed me with 2 pens. hey can you toss me a bloodweiser ;)"

"What do you call a insomniac dyslexic agnostic? A person who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog!"

"My favorite pick-up line: Hey girl, my name is Tony. You know what that is backwards? Y not."

"[School] Teacher: What's ur biggst fear? Child1: Ghosts! Child2: Dogs! Child3: That humanity's core reaction to misunderstanding is anger"

"OMG!! Lady Diana was on the radio yesterday!! Well, technically she was also on the steering wheel, the cupholder, a small splatter of her on the dashboard.."

"Knock Knock Fuck Donald Trump"

"I'm so old, I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign. And before that, we used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on that shit."